NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
+9
bryne_kh2000
Ezinma
w_ch
Hush
chinda
Thewolf
Big brother
Nounette
jamie
13 posters
Page 1 of 1
NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Life without problems i have been told
Will loose its taste,by a friend i loved
May be you are right ,my reply was cold
We were on the campus,depressed and cold
Being sure my pal was asleep in the middle of the night
I put on my clothes , hat , gloves and went outside
Gloomy , windy and rainy the weather was
I walked and walked , to aimless place
I wanted to have a walk , to feel at ease
Challenging the unknown behind those doors
Gloomy , windy and rainy the weather stayed
In the dark corner of the street , something shook
Faster and faster my feet became
A voice of a little girl , i was stopped by
Challenging the unknown , i turned my head
An angel faced girl , full with dread
3 years , 4 years the girl was old
Crying and yelling , with a doll at hand
( to be continued ...)
Will loose its taste,by a friend i loved
May be you are right ,my reply was cold
We were on the campus,depressed and cold
Being sure my pal was asleep in the middle of the night
I put on my clothes , hat , gloves and went outside
Gloomy , windy and rainy the weather was
I walked and walked , to aimless place
I wanted to have a walk , to feel at ease
Challenging the unknown behind those doors
Gloomy , windy and rainy the weather stayed
In the dark corner of the street , something shook
Faster and faster my feet became
A voice of a little girl , i was stopped by
Challenging the unknown , i turned my head
An angel faced girl , full with dread
3 years , 4 years the girl was old
Crying and yelling , with a doll at hand
( to be continued ...)
bryne_kh2000- Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
hello byne_kh2000
y made me curious to know the rest of your poem i wish i'll read it nearly .
i'm in campos i do always exactly as you have mentioned in the second part
i like walk when it is raining and i feel sad.
i wish the rest will be as good as this one ........................
y made me curious to know the rest of your poem i wish i'll read it nearly .
i'm in campos i do always exactly as you have mentioned in the second part
i like walk when it is raining and i feel sad.
i wish the rest will be as good as this one ........................
jamie- Number of posts : 57
Age : 36
Registration date : 2010-01-31
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Very Nice Bryne !! Now I Believe That We Have Many Talents Here In This Forum !! Amazing Brother Carry On !!
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
well, let me be honest and helpful:
you are walking on the right path, i can feel you deeping in your meaning, your ideas are well constructed and there is certainly plot in this poem........but if you may permit , get the essence of your ideas in more beautiful artistic style, use more imagery, symbols, allegories and so on, just make me proud of you freind!, and i have nice gift for you to help you keep going, and remember : first we have to believe, and then we believe.
this is my gift
you are walking on the right path, i can feel you deeping in your meaning, your ideas are well constructed and there is certainly plot in this poem........but if you may permit , get the essence of your ideas in more beautiful artistic style, use more imagery, symbols, allegories and so on, just make me proud of you freind!, and i have nice gift for you to help you keep going, and remember : first we have to believe, and then we believe.
this is my gift
Big brother- Number of posts : 129
Age : 39
Location : right here
Registration date : 2009-05-07
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Big Bro , your advice is taken into consideration .thank you Jamie and Nounette .and remember , IT IS MY FIRST TIME I GRAPE MY PEN AND WRITE SOME LINES
bryne_kh2000- Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
I like the campus...there i know who i miss from my friends. Nice words
Thewolf- Number of posts : 1050
Age : 424
Location : Desert
Registration date : 2010-01-12
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Beautiful and nice poem Bryne, you made us curious to know the coming.Keep going.
chinda- Number of posts : 399
Age : 124
Location : Starland
Registration date : 2009-11-03
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Bryne, I really liked your poem, it's so true though dark.
Carry on, eager to read more.
Carry on, eager to read more.
Hush- Number of posts : 529
Age : 39
Location : Dreaming land
Registration date : 2008-09-17
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Thank you all for your comments .
bryne_kh2000- Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Hello,
I am very impressed my friend!! Your peom brings back sweet memories. I wish you continue writing Bryne! Never give up!
I am very impressed my friend!! Your peom brings back sweet memories. I wish you continue writing Bryne! Never give up!
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
I do like it too, beautifully written! Night in the campus is one of my sweet memories tho'
Best wishes future poet!
Best wishes future poet!
Ezinma- Number of posts : 491
Registration date : 2009-02-25
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Thank you w_ch and ezinma for encouraging me , i know the poem lacks many things , but as i said before it is my first time writing a poem . For me , it is a nice start i think . My official greetings .
bryne_kh2000- Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Well..glad i truly am about two things for sure..being mentioned in this deep poem..and for being asleep_and thank God_in that scary night you witnessed.
I wonder what happened later yo..
I wonder what happened later yo..
the youth- Number of posts : 281
Age : 37
Location : Home..where the heart is
Registration date : 2009-06-02
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
I feel a great nostalgia to my compus friends .... I went back with your words to the past...thank the reminder... great...
burself- Number of posts : 87
Age : 39
Location : somewhere
Registration date : 2009-06-16
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Hello mate, i really liked your poem it's a good one, carry on writing. Best wishes.
NANA- Number of posts : 143
Age : 34
Location : Secret Garden
Registration date : 2009-10-29
Re: NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS
Great brother you have a poet spirit man carry on !
Londonhbb- Number of posts : 583
Age : 35
Registration date : 2009-05-15
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