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NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS

+9
bryne_kh2000
Ezinma
w_ch
Hush
chinda
Thewolf
Big brother
Nounette
jamie
13 posters

Blida Department of English: Free Stand to Stand Free :: Art and Aesthetics :: Thou art the Poet

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NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS Empty NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS

Post by bryne_kh2000 Mon Mar 08, 2010 1:16 pm

Life without problems i have been told
Will loose its taste,by a friend i loved
May be you are right ,my reply was cold
We were on the campus,depressed and cold

Being sure my pal was asleep in the middle of the night
I put on my clothes , hat , gloves and went outside
Gloomy , windy and rainy the weather was
I walked and walked , to aimless place
I wanted to have a walk , to feel at ease
Challenging the unknown behind those doors

Gloomy , windy and rainy the weather stayed
In the dark corner of the street , something shook
Faster and faster my feet became
A voice of a little girl , i was stopped by
Challenging the unknown , i turned my head
An angel faced girl , full with dread
3 years , 4 years the girl was old
Crying and yelling , with a doll at hand

( to be continued ...)
bryne_kh2000
bryne_kh2000

Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07

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Post by jamie Mon Mar 08, 2010 1:40 pm

hello byne_kh2000
y made me curious to know the rest of your poem i wish i'll read it nearly .
i'm in campos i do always exactly as you have mentioned in the second part
i like walk when it is raining and i feel sad.
i wish the rest will be as good as this one ........................
jamie
jamie

Number of posts : 57
Age : 36
Registration date : 2010-01-31

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Post by Nounette Mon Mar 08, 2010 1:46 pm

Very Nice Bryne !! Now I Believe That We Have Many Talents Here In This Forum !! Amazing Brother Carry On !!
Nounette
Nounette

Number of posts : 795
Age : 33
Location : SDF !!
Registration date : 2009-05-12

http://www.rasoulallah.net/

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Post by Big brother Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:01 pm

well, let me be honest and helpful:

you are walking on the right path, i can feel you deeping in your meaning, your ideas are well constructed and there is certainly plot in this poem........but if you may permit , get the essence of your ideas in more beautiful artistic style, use more imagery, symbols, allegories and so on, just make me proud of you freind!, and i have nice gift for you to help you keep going, and remember : first we have to believe, and then we believe.


this is my gift

Big brother

Number of posts : 129
Age : 39
Location : right here
Registration date : 2009-05-07

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Post by bryne_kh2000 Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:17 pm

Big Bro , your advice is taken into consideration .thank you Jamie and Nounette .and remember , IT IS MY FIRST TIME I GRAPE MY PEN AND WRITE SOME LINES
bryne_kh2000
bryne_kh2000

Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07

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Post by Thewolf Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:37 pm

I like the campus...there i know who i miss from my friends. Nice words NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS Icon_smile
Thewolf
Thewolf

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Post by chinda Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:58 pm

Beautiful and nice poem Bryne, you made us curious to know the coming.Keep going.
chinda
chinda

Number of posts : 399
Age : 124
Location : Starland
Registration date : 2009-11-03

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Post by Hush Mon Mar 08, 2010 3:04 pm

Bryne, I really liked your poem, it's so true though dark.
Carry on, eager to read more.
Hush
Hush

Number of posts : 529
Age : 39
Location : Dreaming land
Registration date : 2008-09-17

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Post by bryne_kh2000 Mon Mar 08, 2010 5:09 pm

Thank you all for your comments .
bryne_kh2000
bryne_kh2000

Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07

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Post by w_ch Mon Mar 08, 2010 9:40 pm

Hello,

I am very impressed my friend!! Your peom brings back sweet memories. I wish you continue writing Bryne! Never give up!
w_ch
w_ch

Number of posts : 437
Age : 36
Registration date : 2009-05-21

http://Ouadhah.cherifi@oup.com

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Post by Ezinma Mon Mar 08, 2010 10:18 pm

I do like it too, beautifully written! Night in the campus is one of my sweet memories tho'

Best wishes future poet!
Ezinma
Ezinma

Number of posts : 491
Registration date : 2009-02-25

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Post by bryne_kh2000 Tue Mar 09, 2010 3:22 pm

Thank you w_ch and ezinma for encouraging me , i know the poem lacks many things , but as i said before it is  my first time writing a poem . For me , it is a nice start i think . My official greetings .
bryne_kh2000
bryne_kh2000

Number of posts : 175
Age : 36
Location : NEVERLAND
Registration date : 2009-05-07

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Post by the youth Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:21 pm

Well..glad i truly am about two things for sure..being mentioned in this deep poem..and for being asleep_and thank God_in that scary night you witnessed.

I wonder what happened later yo..
the youth
the youth

Number of posts : 281
Age : 37
Location : Home..where the heart is
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Post by burself Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:24 pm

I feel a great nostalgia to my compus friends .... I went back with your words to the past...thank the reminder... NIGHT ON THE CAMPUS 5116great...
burself
burself

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Post by NANA Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:19 pm

Hello mate, i really liked your poem it's a good one, carry on writing. Best wishes.
NANA
NANA

Number of posts : 143
Age : 34
Location : Secret Garden
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Post by Londonhbb Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:51 pm

Great brother you have a poet spirit man carry on !
Londonhbb
Londonhbb

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